Why I do what I do...

Why am I a Young Life leader? The answer to this question was ever so clear this week. I am a Young Life leader because I want to make sure no teenager is alone to question, "who loves me?!" . I am a Young Life leader so that when kids are going through a problem they can come to my house and feel at home while I bake them cookies and we talk about what they want to talk about. 


On May 22nd, a teenage girl I have gotten to know through the last few years took her life. I know there is no way I could have prevented this but, there is always going to be a tinge of guilt. This showed me how much I as a leader am needed, and how much these teens need a constant reminder They Are Loved. 


This past week my husband and I opened our house up to the teens that were mourning. Ben, my husband, has been a leader to many of the boys who knew the girl quite well and as I baked cookies and made dinner Ben played video games. We cried, I cried, a lot. Kids are not supposed to die. We attended her funeral, where I became inconsolable. I trudged through the high school delivering cookies to some of the rooms where the teens met to mourn. I brought a candle down to the candle light, and I cried. Oh man, I cried. I hurt, I hurt knowing how lost this poor girl was. I hurt seeing these boys weep and having them tell me their stories, and hearing the guilt in their voices and telling them, "There is nothing you could have done, what happened doesn't make sense and there is no way you could have changed it". 


This is why I am a Young Life leader. I love what I do, I love these teenagers! Ben often says things like, "How about Lainey and I adopt you and then you can have Honey Mustard chicken whenever you want it!" to the guys. The truth, I love these teenagers and I would love to adopt them but, they all have nice families. Sometimes  they need someone who isn't there mom to bake them dinner, and someone who isn't there dad to sit down and play video games with them, they sometimes need us. We go into the school and we see what they have to work through. We understand. We sometimes cry. 

What brings me...

JOY!

1. My dearest, most darling Husband. He is my companion. God picked him out just for me, God knew what I needed, what I longed for, and made sure that he made a man that fit that description. I am truly blessed in how perfect our puzzle pieces fit together.

He is mine and I am his

2. My large, unique, awkward, lovely family. I am the second of five children. I was blessed to be part of such a large a loving family. I have the most beautiful mother. She always allowed me to be me, my unique self. She is amazing. She is vibrant, enthusiastic, kind, caring, nurturing. Even with five children she was always able to make each of us feel loved, feel special, we were never just one of five, we were special, unique, we were hers. 

I was also so blessed to have the most amazing father. He loved us all so much. He is the most hardworking man I know. As a little one I always wanted to be just like my daddy. I remember when I was four asking for a tool box for Christmas just so I could be like my dad the carpenter. My dad used to make me porridge every morning, I would crawl up onto his lap and he would help me put spoonfuls of porridge into my mouth, and he would hold the raisins just for me, even though he loved them.

3. Letters. I love letters. My darling hubby and I still write little love letters to each other whenever one of is gone. There are times where I just sit and read through the letters and this downpour of love washes over me. I am so blessed to have the love I have, to feel the love I feel.

4. Children. I may not have my own yet, but I love taking care of them, playing with them, and watching them grow. This past week I was so lucky to photograph my friend and her little girl. I have watched this little grow from day one and here she is three and I can barely believe that I have been so blessed to be part of this littles life. I look forward to having my own someday and watching them grow and become people, with their own unique personality.

 

























5. Books. I love books, and not just any books, children's books. I have a huge collection. I can't walk through a mall without visiting the children's section of a book store. I love pictures, I love the words, and how this simple book can have so much meaning and tell an even greater story than a novel. Children's books can be amazingly profound and I love that.

6. Dancing. I don't do it often enough, but when I do I get this overwhelming sense of happiness. When I am dancing I know I am sucking the happiness out of the moment breathing in every bit of it and I love that feeling. It fills me up with those lovely endorphins.

7. My new chairs. At the moment they are filling me with joy. They just make this room so much more. They are super comfortable, and super elegant. And they look especially good with the nice blue pillows I decorated them with! Yes, these new chairs are amazing!

8. My nice, reliable old SLR. I got it out again to take some lovely photographs with film and I rediscovered me love for that camera. It takes such amazing photos, with such a lovely feel. Ones like this:

9. Thunderstorms. Today I was cleaning my house, getting ready for the big move, and suddenly my house was hit with a downpour of rain. It was sudden, and it was beautiful and by 3 pm we were in full throttle thunderstorm mode. It was beautiful. The feelings that thunderstorms create, a lovely sense of closeness and comfort, it is amazing. Curling up on my couch with a hot chocolate was just a bonus.

10. Rocco, my kitten. She may be the last on this list but, she is certainly not the least. My lovely little Rocco and her curiosity just warms my heart. She is always making such peculiar noises and is constantly finding things to play with. She is my day companion and I enjoy her thoroughly, she reminds me that sometimes I should let myself play!

Oh, the hospital.

Yesterday at 12:20am I was checked into the hospital here in town with a lot of pain in my lower right abdominal. My darling husband was quite concerned. The doctor thought it was appendicitis. After what seemed like a billion blood tests and an ultra-sound the doctor still had no idea what was going on and allowed me to go home at 5:50pm. Let me tell you, I was never in my life so excited to go home, but asked me to come in this morning to see what was going on. After a restless night it was nice to be able to sleep in my bed once again. 


So this morning I go back in, and well...Turns out I am just one of those mysteries, which in no way is reassuring to my husband. I got another bunch of blood work, lucky me, and was sent home again. The doctor is planning to call me around noon to give me the update on my blood work.


All that said, the down pouring of love these past few days have been immense. People have been calling and checking on me, there is an army of people praying for me, it is amazing. On top of all the prayer there were people offering to help with whatever Ben and I needed done. I am truly blessed. I know I am loved all the time by my husband and family, but in times like this the love is truly tangible!



(my sister got me a little care package)